Having a random hookup so left but love u
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
