from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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