PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
