This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
