you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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