you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
