Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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