He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize