Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
