With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
