She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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