I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
