You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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