Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Such a big mess for such a small penis
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
