I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
