I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
