It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize