i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sorry about my life...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
