Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
