I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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