let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
