She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
