Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
cat food counts as protein by the way
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
