I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
