This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
