Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
