I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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