He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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