she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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