like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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