Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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