isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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