It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
