what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
