he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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