I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
