i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
