'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
