I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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