The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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