Are we in a gay sports bar?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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