please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
