I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize