What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I will die if light touches me.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
