So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
