lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
