fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
