Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
