i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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