i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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