I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
