my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
