Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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