So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
