I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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