you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
