Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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