Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
