I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
