i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
