I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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