last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
