i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
