My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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