the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have aggressive nipples.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
