porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
