Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm having to shit out rocks
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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