Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
