i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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